In the space between the hardened-heart ache after the death of my father

and the loneliness of an old, empty house on a rainy day,

there is a little hope,

or something like it,

a voice that tells me it will be all right,

everything will be all right.

Even if my heart doesn’t know it,

and my face doesn’t show it,

there’s  a sliver of hope here somewhere.

Someone shine a light please.

I watched you step on through that door.
(Come on over, come on over.)
Took my time and looked you o’er.
(Come on over, come on over.)
I’d no idea you were looking for me.
(Come on over, come on over.)
Tell me girl, what’s it gonna be.

Wrangle me a girl like you.
Oh my my that’s what I’m gonna do.

I just can’t overcome my fear.
(Talk to me, talk to me.)
I wanna take your arm, walk outta here.
(Talk to me, talk to me.)
But I’m a chicken shit, you know it’s true.
(Talk to me, talk to me.)
I just don’t know what to do.

Wrangle me a girl like you.
Oh my my that’s what I’m gonna do.

If I lean to the left, I’ll reveal my hand.
(Walk with me, walk with me.)
If I smile just so, you’ll see my plan.
(Walk with me, walk with me.)
Girl, oh, girl, it’s no surprise.
(Walk with me, walk with me.)
My intentions are in my eyes.

There’s only one thing left to do.
Kiss you.

peelingivorylusciousbottomkeys

andovertonesoflemonscentedknees

allredfromrubbingonthefloor

fromthecornertothedoor

tokeepthefloorandmysoulclean

Doyouknowwhatallthismeans?

With only moments to live,

how would my day be different?

With only myself to give,

would you open your arms

and live for the moments?

Sweet, sweet Katherine,

sweet and tender,

don’t think about tomorrow.

Spread your arms

and legs

and heart

and soul

and envelop me

as if you’re trying to take it all in,

take me all in.

Take her hand and walk out that door and leave this podunk nofunk little shop behind?

She’s worth it, you know, and she’s listening. If you have something worth saying, then speak your mind.

Don’t wait and wonder and worry and fret. Just do, boy, just DO.

The world is just such a great, glorious place, full of wonder for those with an open eye and an open mind, but an open mind and expectations for how life should be are the opposite ends of the spectrum. A mind open to the possibilities, unexpected, is a beauteous thing, yet life in the modern world demands that we plan, plot, and prepare for the future. Unless there’s somebody here to take care of us as we wander aimlessly.

I have wandered and planned, and perhaps if I plan well enough, I’ll wander again with no care in the word but to witness the joy of life with friends and the kindness of strangers.

Broken and desperate for someone to fix me and knowing that there is nothing to fix leaves me in an odd state, a state of frustrating acceptance that smells like apathy.

Seeing the great arc of my life, I am impressed with how much I’ve accomplished by living in the moment, but not this moment–not this moment.

At THIS moment, I am empty, and when I live in the moment, what I feel seems eternal, and eternal emptiness, though so ZEN seems so lonely.

Maybe I need to turn my head just so to get a different perspective.

Death is

Unexpected.

Even

though familiar.

Oh, I

really loved you.

Now you’re

gone forever.

Heaven

is yours now, Dad.

And there’s no more pain.

Fish guts
no guts, no glory
glory hallelujah
hallelujah chorus
chorus line
line up
Up and at’em
Atom bomb
bombs away
away in a manger
manger scene
scene stealer
Steeler’s football
football game
game day
day and night
night crawlers

Once upon a time,
I was extraordinary.
Now it’s the ordinary
that I cling to.

Without a doubt,
I live my life.
I’m so very very sure
of all I do.

I once knew love.
I once made magic.
I had faith in everyone.
Now it’s faith I lack.

Do you believe in love?
Do you believe in magic?
Do you have faith in anyone?
Can I get mine back?