Still at a Loss

December 1, 2009 at 2:51 am · Filed under Uncategorized and tagged: Dad, existential, loving, mourning, wondering

I am still devastated,

but somehow soldiering on with the day-to-day, 

smiling, 

saying my “pleases” and “thank yous,” 

wondering if all magic has been lost, 

and wondering how ONE MAN could have had so much power over me, 

wondering if I’ll ever survive another Thanksgiving or Christmas 

without a drink in my hand,

wondering if I’m as good as dead, 

but somehow soldiering on doing what I do to make this world a better place 

even though it’s no place for me, now, 

with both parents gone, 

and me spending too much time wondering who I was

and who I am

and whether they’re related,

spending too much time wondering whether I’m lovable, 

or even fuckable, 

wondering if I’m 

SO DIFFERENT

from everybody else.

 

Comments (2)